I just have this sudden strong urge to blog(or maybe rant). I really don't understand what I did to actually deserve what I'm going through now. I'm already trying so hard, pleasing you by buying back your favourite food, and all you do is leave it at the table untouched and give me attitude and all. I don't understand. Am I that bad in your eyes? Also, it's been awhile now since we last talked, and the last time I talked to you to ask you for pocket money you just ignored me and treated as if I wasn't there. You assumed I didn't need money cos I was working and thus could be independent. Well, guess you don't know what's going on in my life to know. I don't just need the money from work, but also the pocket money you give me for a greater cause. It definitely isn't for my own expenditure. I still don't wanna be the one to break the ice. If this cold war resumes, let it be. I'll find a way to adapt to it and still get what I desire.
Now, come to think of it, why did I even quit my job. Stressful, tiring and screwed up as it may be, it definitely beats staying at home and facing you guys daily. Plus, I would even be able to earn that extra buck as well. Nevertheless, I've already quit so I guess it's really pointless for me to say such things right now. But I guess, I just have to get this off my chest. I may just explode soon. It's really so hard to possess a genuine smile these days. Even more so when you have to fake it for others so that it wouldn't ruin anyone else's mood.
On a final note, if you think that you are having it worse off than me, think again. I'm only human. I have emotions too. Me not showing them doesn't mean that I'm alright. I think my facial muscles have just been too tired to portray how I feel and all. And I feel that this would be the best decision, so yup.
I'm just praying that everything would go well tonight and tomorrow so no one would view me as a failed organiser. Seriously. The expectations are so high that I can't afford any hiccups. I think I'm nearly at my wits end. But at the present situation, things seem to be fine. I really hope this would persist and that a heavy load would be lifted off my chest.
